In her room, she waits. Day after day, month after month, year after long year, she sits invisible to those outside. She listens and watches, hoping to see family and old friends who have seemingly forgotten about her. She awakens each morning, possibly remembering the day that she entered this room, and how she hadn't really wanted to come here. She thinks about getting up for breakfast, but not feeling hungry, she stays in bed, feeling hopeless and alone, even cursed and forgotten by God.

I don't personally know this woman, but I know that there are many like her. Her weariness, and feelings of isolation, abandonment, and loss of control, are all too real for many who are unwell and elderly.

The reality is that in our later years, our bodies grow weaker and more fragile, not only making our lives a challenge, but at times taking some to the brink of despair, crying to God, "Why me?" or even "Why won't You just let me die?"

I must admit that I have asked those same questions of God and was even angry with Him for not allowing me die. However, I know now that God was not yet finished with me. Although I don't yet know what plans God has in mind for my future, I am glad that I am still here, because, believe or not, no matter how desperate our lives may seem, there is hope through the grace of God, regardless of our age or circumstances. This is how Paul describes it:

2 Corinthians 4:16 – Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. (NIV)

2 Corinthians 12:9 – But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (NIV)

In fact, it is only in our weaknesses that we can discover God's grace and hope filled with an inner strength that surpasses all our weaknesses and suffering. This gift God gives us only through Jesus, who so undeservedly and yet so willingly sacrificed His life for us. In Jesus, we find the resurrection and renewal of our bodies, with the hope of eternal life. All our loneliness, sorrows, pain, and tears will vanish, to be replaced with everlasting joy, comfort, peace, and laughter.

We will then experience eternal glory with God, which will far outweigh our earthly struggles. That is our hope, for which we can be eternally grateful!

Prayer: Thank You, O Lord, for seeing us in our need and our weaknesses, and for giving us the opportunity to come to You as You wait for us with arms open wide. You see our sorrows and fears, You remember us, and You know and understand our grief and weariness. Grant us the faith not to lose heart, even in our most desperate moments. We are thankful for the hope that You give us in Jesus, Your Son, and for the joy that will be ours one day through Him, as we gratefully accept Your promise to renew us, to make us whole, and to restore us to Yourself. This we pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

I think that I have been doing things backwards! I often seem to struggle with understanding — or more precisely not understanding — why people do what they do, why life seems such a challenge at times, and why I can't seem to figure out how to navigate through all the pitfalls that seem to keep opening up.

Now, it is one thing to understand what to do when we are driving a car or operating some kind of equipment, but that really does not apply when dealing with people! People, and life in general, don't come with instruction manuals, and every time I think that I have something figured out, another monkey wrench seems to throw my "understanding" askew once again!

However, realistically speaking, there is no way for any one of us to know or understand why people do and say what they do and say, why they behave in certain ways, what their background is and how that background has affected them, why they don't seem to understand what we are about, and why they make the assumptions that they do about us or anything else. We are all unique and so different! The variables are endless, and our experiences, beliefs, interpretations, views, and yes, baggage (positive and negative), are all unique to us personally!

Therefore, trying to understand people and their behaviour (including our own, at times) can often be an exercise in futility, creating frustration and even anger, not just within us, but also possibly for those around us. The more we try to understand, the more frustrated we may become, the less we will understand, and the more confusing life seems to be.

No one can truly know what others deal with, feel their hurts, or really understand what they struggle with. No one can experience the same joys or sorrows in the way that others experience them.

No one, that is, but God! He knows! He understands!

That is where doing things backwards comes in: it is not in seeking our own understanding, but in seeking God that we will find peace. In seeking God, we can learn to trust Him to lead us through our lack of understanding into His peace! Putting our faith and trust in God will lead us to a peace beyond our understanding! That is God's promise and His gift to us because of His love for us in and through Jesus Christ! Leaving understanding in God's hands is never easy for any of us, but it is something that we need to remind ourselves of constantly!

Romans 5:1 – Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. (NIV)

When it is our faith in God, not our own understanding, that justifies us and makes us right with God, then we will have peace with God.

Prayer: O Lord, thank You for the gift of faith and for Your promises. Use that faith to help us overcome the need to lean on our own understanding rather than seeking You. Help us each and every day to place our focus on seeking You, to see You more clearly, to love You more dearly, and to follow You more nearly — in and through Jesus Christ. In His name, we pray. Amen.

Perhaps you have heard the story of the person hanging from a cliff waiting to be rescued. He has a vision of God's hand reaching down from heaven and lifting him to safety. So, when a helicopter appears, he sends it away. After he falls to his death, God asks him, "What else could I have done?" A helicopter was not quite what he had envisioned.

I think that may be true for us all. When we get into difficulties, we want to believe that God will help us. We ask, we even beg, trusting that God will come through and rescue us, while at the same time having preconceived ideas about how we want God to do that. Wouldn't we prefer Him to solve all our problems the easiest and most spectacular way? Wouldn't life be much easier if God did all the work, so that we just have to sit back and let Him? It goes without saying that we would like God to do so immediately!

However, God has a plan for us, and God's plans will not be thwarted! That plan frequently includes having us do our part — we have to accept that God-sent helicopter, even though we would much rather that God physically grabbed hold of us and lifted us off that cliff Himself.

If we ask for healing, a miracle would be ideal, but it usually means going to doctors (the helicopter), and doing what they recommend. Even then, we may need to be patient (no pun intended). If we get into debt, God definitely wants us to do our part in getting out of debt. That generally means changing our ways. We cannot really expect to keep doing the same thing while expecting different results.

Often when we face difficulties, whether of our own making or not, there are lessons to be learned, but would we actually learn those lessons if God miraculously bailed us out every time?

Mark 14:36 – "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (NIV)

For me, God allowed insecurity, loneliness, and isolation; He allowed mental health issues and addictions; and He allows chronic pain. But I would not have known what they were like, nor would I ever have been able to identify with or reach out to those who are going through similar things themselves, had I not experienced them myself. Back then, I would have preferred that God had spared me these challenges, but while they may have seemed nightmarish at the time, God allowed them, and good came from them. I honestly would not be able to appreciate what I now have, had I not gone through those (and other) life experiences! But most importantly, I learned that I needed God and that He loves me! God did not, does not, and never will abandon me, and for that I will be forever grateful!

Like me, you may struggle with insecurity, loneliness, isolation, or chronic pain, but if God sends a helicopter by way of friends or other means, know that God loves you and understands you. Be willing to obey and to gratefully accept God's helicopters, as He provides all that we need when we need it.

Prayer: O Lord, our Creator, Protector, Provider, and Saviour, thank You for having our best interests at heart. Help us to do our part willingly while You provide Your helicopters to rescue us from our cliff-hangers. Thank You for understanding us so well, while continuing to love us for who we are, no matter how difficult we make it for ourselves. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

Yes, it's true, it's God's battle, but there is a "but"! No, I am not trying to rewrite the Bible — but there is a "but"!

At our children's drama camp, the story was based on the Old Testament biblical book of Esther. Our particular version included a song called The battle is not ours. While Esther did not really want to do what she was asked to do, she also knew that she could not save her Jewish people by herself. Only God could do that.

That's where the "but" comes in: Yes, it was God's battle, but God's battle plan included Esther. While God could have saved His people without Esther, He wanted her to do her part, which included some really undesirable but very courageous tasks.

Similarly, when God asked Moses to go up against Pharaoh and lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses was very reluctant and came up with all kinds of arguments as to why not. One of his excuses was that he did not feel eloquent enough in speaking for God, so God provided Moses with Aaron as spokesperson. God wanted Moses to do his part, no matter how difficult or scary. It took a number of confrontations with Pharaoh and ten plagues for Moses to accomplish what God wanted him to do.

Recently, I have had to face some situations resulting from hurtful actions and attitudes, which affected not only me, but others as well. At the time, I felt that I needed to confront the issues, but like Moses and Pharaoh, that only seemed to make matters worse. Often in such circumstances, we are advised to forgive and to "let go and let God", knowing that doing so will ease our pain, grant us peace, and help us to move on. I tried to do that, and found temporary peace, but as the situation kept recurring, I became confused about God's will, and started doubting both myself and God. Eventually, I asked God to spell it out, which He didn't do exactly, but He did lead me to confront the situation one more time. Because my own emotions and frustration had been getting in the way, He even provided an "Aaron" to help me clarify the overall picture. Forgive, yes, but not let go!

I am not trying to compare myself to Moses or Esther, but God doesn't always want us to let go, nor does He promise that doing His will is always easy. Why else would Paul tell us to "Put on the full armour of God"? (Ephesians 6:11a NIV)

Sometimes, God wants us to be like the biblical prophets, the apostles, and even Jesus, doing our part in His battle. It may also mean being hurt, alone, disliked, ignored, and even persecuted! We need to hang on to God and know that He will be with us, no matter how difficult things may seem. God will always love us — even if no one else does — and we will always have His support when we are doing His will. What more can we hope for or even ask for!

Prayer: Dear Lord, help us to recognize Your will for us, to know when to let go and when not to. No matter how difficult and painful it may be, we know that You will work out all things — good or bad — for our good and Your glory. We thank You in and for all circumstances, and we praise Your holy name. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

I used to want my life to be like squares — everything (including myself) neatly fitting together and lining up perfectly — and I wanted people to respond in that way as well. I wanted to know exactly what to expect, when to expect it, and how to expect it! No surprises, just predictability!

But life's not like that, and to be perfectly honest, I don't like being put into the boxes that others seem to feel that I belong in!

When we really think about it, no two things in this creation, on this earth, and, I venture to say, in this universe, are exactly identical!

We've all been taught that no snowflake is identical to any other snowflake. Similarly, no two blades of grass are exactly alike, nor is one grain of sand the same as another. Everything has different facets, and nothing is exactly symmetrical or fits into exactly the same mold. God didn't create this universe or anything in it that way. No formula! No mold! Entirely freehand and yet perfect!

Even when we are being formed in our mother's womb, not one of our cells is the same as another: ears, eyes, heart, bones, nerves, skin, brain — all are different, with different functions — similar perhaps, but not identical.

God also created different gifts and abilities in each one of us. Even if those gifts, talents, or abilities are similar, they are still uniquely our own, and we use them in different and unique ways. No two musicians interpret the same piece of music in the same way. No two people see a sunrise in exactly the same way. We don't view or interpret things the same; we don't react the same.

So why are we so insistent that people fit into the boxes or moulds we think that they belong in? Why do we want square pegs to fit into round holes? Why do we want to love (and hate) things and people because of the way we categorize them?

Parents all know that not one of their children is the same as another. Everyone wants children that are a chip off the old block, but we all know that they cannot be, nor ought they be compared to ourselves or to each other.

Even our love for one another differs, doesn't it?

God's love for us is like that: God doesn't love us all the same … Uh, what? Think about it: He can't, because He created each one of us uniquely, and therefore He loves each one of us uniquely — not more or less, but uniquely — which makes each one of us special in our own unique way.

While I like things to be straightforward, neither I nor my life is really like squares, nor would I want it that way! There are many, many facets to who I am and who God created me to be. So, in that sense, we are alike: each is a unique and special creation, created by God in His image. He loves each one of us just as we are, and He calls us to do the same.

Prayer: Thank You, O Lord, for who You made me to be and for who You made each one of us to be. Give us Your love for others, and help us to view them as unique and special creations, rather than trying to fit them into the boxes of our own perceptions. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

Focusing on the positives and letting go of the negatives is an uphill battle. Sometimes, I lash out and hurt back, doing the very thing that hurt me. I may not be able do anything about apparent injustices, but my overreacting definitely does not help.

While I strive to live my life the way that Jesus would want me to, so often, I don't know what to do. I fall far short of my own expectations and what I think others, including God, expect of me. But there's hope:

John 1:1,14a – In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. (NIV)

Jesus was human, just like us! He faced all the same temptations that we do. He understands what we are feeling. He was ignored, judged, misunderstood, rejected, betrayed, and abandoned, even by His family and closest friends. But there was a difference: Unlike us, Jesus had a perfect relationship with His Father, our God! He knew what to do when He was tempted to retaliate, to lash out. When Jesus became angry, His was a righteous, unselfish anger, focused on sinful behaviour and true injustice against God. But when it was directed at Him, He knew how to turn the other cheek:

Luke 23:34a – Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (NIV)

Even when I do know what I ought to do, I often don't want to. I would much rather dwell on the hurts and injustices. I don't want to let go and forgive. But Jesus forgives me and helps me to do the same! He understands that I don't always recognize what I have done when I ignore His promptings and sinfully disobey. While we can't make our relationship with God right, Jesus could! He could have faltered and sinned, but He didn't. He was without sin!

That doesn't mean that He didn't struggle to do the right thing, to take all our sins upon Himself, to die for us. He asked His Father if the cup might pass Him by, but He knew that that was not an option. He willingly gave up His life to make us right with God. And because of that, while we continue to struggle and falter and sin, we can be forgiven and be right with God! Let us give God eternal thanks for such a precious gift!

2 Corinthians 5:21 – God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (NIV)

Prayer: O Lord, our heavenly Father, thank You! We are so grateful for what Jesus did for us! No matter how unsure we are or how much we falter, help us to keep our eyes focused on Jesus. We don't always know how our seemingly innocent words and deeds affect others, but help us to accept one another as fallible, for all of us need forgiveness, and we need to forgive just as Jesus forgave us. Above all, we want to glorify You in all things and at all times! In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

As I was reading the fourth and last chapter of the book of Jonah, I started thinking about how much like Jonah we all tend to be.

Jonah was upset at the fact that the people of Nineveh did not get punished for their sins the way that he decided that they ought to be. Jonah knew that God was gracious and compassionate, but when God saved the people of Nineveh (which was His prerogative), Jonah was angry with God for being such a good God, who was (and is) willing to forgive and care about those whom Jonah felt did not deserve such. Never mind that God had bestowed the same kind of forgiveness and goodness upon Jonah after he had rebelled (sinned) against God, and had cried out for help while he was in the belly of the great fish. God gave him a second chance!

That also reminded me of the occasion when Peter asked Jesus if we need to forgive others seven times when they have sinned and hurt us. "Seventy times seven" was Jesus' answer (Matthew 18:21-22 KJV), meaning over and over and over again, ad infinitum.

That in turn led me to us: How often are we willing to forgive? How much do we want to punish those who hurt us? Are we willing to give people second chances? But more importantly, how often do we hand our hurts over to God only to take them back? We may enjoy the "pleasure" of dwelling on the hurt and any possible response, or we may feel that He isn't fixing it fast enough or the way that we want. How often do we take something into our own hands, because we want to fix it, and fix it now? And what do we mean by fixing? Letting them have a piece of our mind? Getting even? Even if there were vengeance to be had, is it really up to us?

Romans 12:19 – Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. (KJV)

Whether we want it to or not, might that repayment mean forgiveness? Isn't that how God repays us when we repent?

Do we really have the right to get angry at God for repaying someone else the same way that He repays us, for bestowing the same kind of love and forgiveness on others as He bestows on us?

Jonah forgot that he, too, was just as sinful and rebellious as the people of Nineveh, and he didn't deserve God's goodness either. But aren't we all like that? If we are honest with ourselves, don't we want to lash out at others who hurt us? But how do we feel when others lash out at us when we have hurt them? We want them to forgive us, but do we want to do the forgiving?

News flash: God understands! He knows that it is a struggle for us to forgive and to turn it over to Him. But isn't that exactly what He wants us to do: to keep forgiving and turning it over to Him, once, twice, a hundred times, ad infinitum? What God does not want is for us to avenge ourselves. He wants us to let go and to let Him take care of it and us, over and over and over … and He will help us do so if we but ask, over and over and over … .

Prayer: Lord, remind us that we are all sinners before You, and that none of us deserves the love or grace or forgiveness that You bestow upon us, over and over and over … . Grant us the willingness to ask for and accept Your help so that we, too, may do as You would do: forgive, over and over and over … . Continue to teach us as You taught Jonah and Peter, and help us to be the ones that You created us to be: like Your Son, Jesus. Thank You! In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.