I was experiencing grief before my husband's death.

Despite all the activity and busyness going on with his palliative care the many months before he passed, as the time went by, I was aware of a deep, ongoing sadness in my being.

I would find myself broken with self pity on many occasions, and when I was able to find a private space to let go, the bottom line was, How am I ever going to face this, after my dear one is gone? Based on what I believed that my lot would be when I was alone, I decided that it would be unbearable.

We shared a love of classical music, and our lifelong habit had been to play a record or CD at dinner every night. Daily choices were alternated: he one night, me the next. That, in itself, would be no longer. But the heart-rending part was the numerous passages, performed by our favourite singers, which would inevitably bring us both to tears. That was a strong emotional connection that I absolutely knew that I could never again share with anyone else. And so, I grieved heavily before he departed. It was legitimate emotional grief.

What I failed to recognize (and in that situation, God knows and allows for our human responses) was that things just might be different afterwards.

I am continuously amazed at how God works in His quest to show His children how He cares. He has shown me His love on many occasions, bringing me through several crises by showing me the way.

Now, on the other side of the death journey, I am in awe of His gift of comfort and peace, as I experience it.

The pre-conceived situations that I imagined have not happened, of course, because I have not initiated them as yet. But I know that when I do, it will not only be when God prompts me to do so, but also it will be a joyful occasion, planned by Him, that will surely bring tears of joy, and not just grief.

Psalm 119:49-50 – Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope. This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me. (KJV)

When we trust in the Lord's compassion and comfort, we will be amazed at His lovingkindness given, His peace bestowed, and His messages received. We will be humbled.

Prayer: Dear Father, thank You for showing us the absolute depth of Your promise to never leave us nor forsake us. Please continue to guide us, through the Holy Spirit, as we walk the difficult paths we must traverse. Amen.

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About the author:

Deana Weyman <deana@sympatico.ca>
King City, Ontario, Canada
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